Dear Diary

In a dark place, hearing nothing but words of corruption, afraid of losing another one. I'm too ashamed to cry but I can't stop the tears. I'm trying to stop the feelings running within. Don't look at me, don't touch me, don't act like a friend and haunt me in the end. My thoughts are going off into sick places, where can I hide? Let me go to sleep. Let go of my heart. Your hold on me is killing me softly. So slowly, dig deeper, inside me, decline me. Choking on my flowing tears, crawling on the wooden floor trying to find a safe hole to bury myself, bury myself in the dirt, in your crimson blood, in the shadow of what once so beautifully was. Head exploding, heart imploding, pulling your hair out chunk by chunk. Screw you, go to hell, drown me in this twenty foot well. You wanted me to let my walls down, let my guard down. Am I vulnerable enough now? Was I vulnerable enough then? When you left me to bury my sorrows in the ground. Left my regrets floating around in my head? Amongst my thoughts covered up by my lies, when I told anyone who asked that I was alright. What I've been doing all this time...

April 15, 2014