Loved Ones

So, I had a good relaxing afternoon today..Went to the Natural History Museum with a friend to see the space show, then walked through Central Park and went to the Met for a few hours. I love it there, the paintings are so wonderful and I saw a pretty awesome weird, show thing. I bought some nice postcards as well. Eventually, I left and walked back through Central Park nearly slipping the whole time on ice as it was getting dark. Not the safest thing in the world.. I'm glad I got to relax at least a bit today, enjoy the art and the company of a new friend, because once I got back to the real world and the people around, reality slapped me in the face. I've always had this stupid thing where I make friends easily and I become close to some people fairly quickly. At least ninety-nine percent of the time, that screws me over. There are people in my life whom I am extremely close to and I hope to have around for a very long time, but others.. You are sitting, laughing and enjoying conversations about your day and funny stories together one second, and the next.. Boom, they're gone. Not in your life anymore. You need to make new friends to fill that void just for the process to repeat itself over and over again. There are certain people I could not imagine my life without and I would be, not only shocked, but devastated if I lost them, but I'm sort of expecting it sooner that later. I hope it doesn't have to be that way with everyone, some of the people in my life are far too dear to me and I couldn't bear to lose them, but if it happens.. Well.. It's going to happen. It always does. I don't mean to sound so negative and I know this happens to everyone, but this has pretty much become a weekly thing for me.. As much as I love the company of some of my loved ones and dear friends, I'd prefer to be alone mostly nowadays. Not because I was wronged or betrayed by any of these lovely people, not because I don't trust them or don't enjoy their company, but because I'm tired of this repeating process of people disappearing after being there for you the second or the day before. I am the only one who I know will never leave me, not because I don't want to.. Because I really do want to sometimes, but because I don't have a choice.

December 16, 2013